


The Boob Tube (TV, Steve, he means the TV)

by CarrKicksDoor



Series: The Secret Everyday Lives of the Avengers [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Sleepy Hollow - Freeform, Television, how it's made, more everyday life, top shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-06-22
Packaged: 2018-02-05 16:33:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1825084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarrKicksDoor/pseuds/CarrKicksDoor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I am a better archer than Oliver Queen and Stephen Amell is not prettier than me!” </p><p>---</p><p>How the Avengers bond through television.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Boob Tube (TV, Steve, he means the TV)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [trismegistus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/trismegistus/gifts).



> Minor spoilers for Sleepy Hollow if you haven't seen it? Also, several things here refer to the first story in the series, so you might want to read that to get all of the references here.

“Seriously, Tash?” Clint complains, and Natasha smirks. “Give me the remote. I’ve been back two days, and I’m not watching this fucking show.”

“Go watch TV in your own apartment, then,” Natasha says. “I’m watching _Top Shot_.”

He glares at her before flopping down on the other side of the couch. “I know why you’re doing this.”

“I enjoy torturing you with idiotic television shows and asinine shooting competitions?” she answers.

He doesn’t bother replying, eyes fixed on the screen, and she knows—knows—that he’s going to start in on how much he hates crossbows, rather than on what’s really pissing him off. SHIELD isn’t gone, not really, not with its new director in one very-not-dead Phil Coulson, and despite the fact that he’d been gone for three months taking out HYDRA bases while working out his issues, he’s still not okay. He’d come back with Steve and Sam—and Bucky—and to most of the others, probably seems like himself again, but to Natasha’s practiced eye, he’s still pissed.

“Okay, seriously?” Clint says, gesturing at the screen. “What is this, amateur hour? These guys are supposed to be sharpshooters. This guy was an Army Ranger, for God’s sake.   Phil would kick his sorry ass for failing to live up to the name.”

Natasha raises one eyebrow at him. “So, you’re at least talking about him now.”

Clint’s resting bitch-face turns into a scowl. “Shut up.”

***

Steve and Sam introduce Bucky to the Avengers slowly, so as not to overwhelm him, and it gets to where Bucky—and they—feel comfortable with Bucky being in the general common areas they sometimes share with the others, though they forget that others besides the Avengers share them.

Steve steps out of the room for just a moment, but that’s enough time for the enemy to infiltrate, and he walks back in just in time to see Darcy Lewis settle herself onto the couch next to Bucky and swing her legs over his friend’s lap, pulling up a bowl of Chex mix into her own lap. “Hi,” she says cheerfully. “I’m Darcy.”

Bucky blinks at her, then down at her legs, then back at her. She holds out the bowl. “Want some Chex mix?” she asks.

He peers over the edge of the bowl. “Is it sweet?” he asks cautiously.

“Not the way I make it,” she says. “Mine is all butter and salt and Worcestershire sauce. Go ahead, have some.”

Steve watches from around the corner as Bucky, who won’t eat anything he hasn’t seen prepared himself, miraculously, carefully scoops up a few pieces and pops them into his mouth. “’S good,” he says.

Darcy grins. “Have as much as you want,” she says, taking a handful herself. “There’s more in the kitchen. I made a whole batch.” She picks up a glass bottle of Coke. “Hey, can you open this for me?”

She holds it out, and he frowns, looking at his metal hand. “Here,” she says. “I’ll hold it, use your other hand, if you’re worried about breaking the glass. I can’t get a good grip on the cap unless I use my shirt, and the caps keep putting holes in my shirts.” She sticks one hand under her shirt and wiggles a finger through a hole level with her navel. “See?”

At that, Bucky takes the bottle from her and opens it without comment, though he does sniff the bottle. “You can have a sip if you want,” she says. “But it is sweet.”

He shakes his head, handing it back to her.

“Want to watch some TV?” she asks, and Steve stiffens a bit. They’d been holding back a bit on television, given the amount of violence that seemed to be on TV these days, not willing to expose Bucky to that yet.

Bucky shrugs, and Darcy hums to herself. “Let’s see. What to watch. Something relaxing. Oh, I know! Hey, JARVIS, can we watch some _How It’s Made_?”

“Of course, Miss Lewis,” JARVIS replies, and Steve sees Bucky start just a little when JARVIS speaks, just as he always does. Darcy reaches out, patting him on the shoulder of his metal arm. Bucky looks down, his expression uncertain at her casual touch. “Do you have a particular episode you wish to view?”

“Oh, just put one on we haven’t seen,” Darcy says.

“I believe you have viewed all of the episodes, Miss Lewis,” JARVIS answered.

“In that case, let’s just start from the first one. I know Barnes hasn’t seen any of them,” she says. She looks at Bucky. “This show is really cool. Basically, they just show you how they make stuff, like forks and coffee tables and water skis. Wait. JARVIS, Tony’s not around, is he?”

“Mister Stark is currently in Dr. Banner’s lab,” JARVIS informs her as the show begins.

Darcy turns back to Bucky. “Tony’s not allowed to watch this show. Either he bitches about how they’re doing it wrong the whole time or he comes up with some brilliant idea about how to do it better and disappears into the lab for three days and then Pepper gets mad.” She leans back over the arm of the couch. “Quit lurking back there, Rogers, and come watch this with us. I bet you haven’t seen this either!”

***

It’s already been well-established that Bruce’s favorite television show is _Whose Line Is It Anyway_? because laughter is good for the soul, and it’s been established that there’s a tower-wide competition to see who can make Bruce laugh the most, and it’s been established that Melinda May has won that competition now and forever and _no one knows why_. The pool going around has odds on Tony, but there’s also a significant group of people with money on Clint, based on one particular bellow that echoes down the hall after Skye one afternoon.

“I am a better archer than Oliver Queen and Stephen Amell is _not_ prettier than me!”

(The door to Banner’s lab is open when said statement is bellowed.)

Bruce has stepped away from his worktable, cracking up, (point to Clint) and Simmons is giggling. Skye is grinning. “Hey, AC, you should go talk to your boyfriend. He’s got his panties in a wad about _Arrow_.”

Coulson generally has a few patented expressions—the patient, polite government employee; impatient disinterest; disappointed father-figure; and the one she sees most often, annoyed fondness. The one she sees turned on her, however, causes her to freeze in her tracks, smile leaving her face immediately, and Skye is suddenly very sure that if Coulson had been Bruce Banner, she would have just caused a Hulk incident. “Agent Barton is not my boyfriend,” he says quietly.

There’s only one thing Skye can do, and that’s to do exactly what Melinda May would do and say, “Well, don’t you think it’s time you went and fixed that?”

(Coulson returns to the Bus a little less dour, and May raises an eyebrow. “Better,” he says. “Not great, but better. We watched _Dog Cops_. Barton threw popcorn at the television. I made him clean it up.”)

(May passes Skye later and says “Nice job.” Skye grins, because praise from Melinda May is hard to come by, but when you get it, worth the world.)

***

“What the hell is this?” Steve asks, disgusted.

“Don’t watch it!” Darcy yells from the kitchen. “Ann Coulter eats babies, and Bill O’Reilly kicks puppies!”

“I thought I told JARVIS to block all the Fox News feeds coming into the tower,” Tony said, holding out his coffee mug. “Shouldn’t Capsicle like it, being all greatest generation and crap?”

Darcy glares at him. “Depression, New Deal, unions, hell, James says they even used to live in what was basically the hidden gay center of New York. Steve went from the greatest generation to now without living through all the shit that caused the greatest generation to give up their idealism. To be honest, we’re lucky he still has it.”

***

Tony sends out an email with a link to _Cosmos_. The email simply says “WATCH THIS.”

As with most other emails Tony sends out, everyone else ignores it.

That is, until Thor sends out an email himself from Jane’s account.

DEAR MIDGARDIAN FRIENDS,

THE MAN OF IRON HAS RECOMMENDED WE VIEW THIS ACCOUNT OF THE UNIVERSE. IT HAS BEEN INTRIGUING TO DISCOVER THE WAYS IN WHICH MIDGARD HAS DISCOVERED THE REALMS IN WHICH WE LIVE. PLEASE VIEW IT AS WELL SO WE MAY DISCUSS IT TOGETHER.

THOR ODINSSON, PRINCE OF ASGARD

(When Neil deGrasse Tyson is invited to a benefit promoting STEM education in public schools at Stark Tower, he is astonished to find that not only do the Avengers not mind giving him their autographs, they all want _his_.)

***

Steve and Bucky watch baseball.

Steve and Bucky watch a _lot_ of baseball.

There are 162 games in a year, after all.

“Some of us would like to watch a good team!” Clint yells at them as he goes by.

Two left arms appear over the couch, one metal, one not, and in unison, the hands attached to those arms flip him off.

Darcy strolls through, a Cincinnati Reds shirt stretched over her chest, grinning. “Go watch the Cardinals lose a game in your own apartment, Barton.”

Clint throws up his hands. “I thought you were supposed to be corrupting them, not the other way around!”

***

The girls are all watching something when Steve comes in late one night from a mission he’s just finished. He’s cleaned up, but he’s tired, bruised and sore, and all he wants is something easy to eat (whatever’s left over in the fridge) and to go to bed.

He has a feeling he might be interrupting something, though, when four out of five female pairs of eyes look up at him. (Jane, predictably, is still buried in her tablet.) “Hi,” he says, giving a tired wave. “Don’t mind me.”

Natasha’s sharpening a knife, Darcy’s painting her nails, Maria’s drinking a beer, and Pepper seems to be curled up in a chair, holding a glass of wine to her forehead as if it will soothe a headache. “How did it go?” Natasha asks.

He gives her a thumbs up over the counter and sighs as he looks in the fridge. “Hey, Natasha, do you mind if I—“

“Go ahead,” she says, and he gratefully pulls out the leftover boxes of Thai food sporting a drawing of a spider on them. He dumps it out on a plate and sticks in the microwave (which he finds to be one of the most miraculous inventions he’s woken up to) and looks back at what they’re watching. “Is that woman wearing—a _snake_?”

“Just a little too creepy, isn’t it?” Maria says, taking a swig of her beer. “I fucking hate this show.”

Natasha smirks from her position on the couch. “Still not over Ward calling you eye candy, then?”

( _Okay, then_ , Steve thinks. He’s just going to back away from that one.)

Pepper leans back over the arm of her chair. “ _Vanity Fair_ is doing an article on me next month,” she explains.

“Not that bitch Everhart?” Maria asks.

There’s something just akin to malice in Pepper’s eyes. “No. I told them they could do an article about me with my cooperation, but not if she was writing it.” (Steve’s not about to ask for explanation on that one either.) “Anyway,” she says, turning back to Steve, “that means a photo shoot tomorrow. They’re going to dress me up in pretty clothes and pose me around my office.”

He nods, and though he really doesn’t want to, bites the bullet and asks anyway. “And you’re watching a woman wear a snake because—“

“This show’s all about modeling,” Natasha supplies. “Mostly about training women who have never been models how to become models.”

“Clothing models,” Darcy clarifies.

The microwave beeps, and Steve takes his plate out. “And this helps you learn how to do it?”

There’s a sudden outburst of laughter that causes even Jane to look up from her tablet momentarily. “No,” Natasha says, and Steve remembers something about Tony and some sort of pictures of Natasha modeling.

Pepper grins. “It just reminds me that no matter what, I can’t screw up all that badly, and even if I do, they’ll fix it all in Photoshop later anyway.”

He just nods and escapes before he can learn anymore.

***

The man formerly known as Nick Fury doesn’t have time to watch television, motherfucker.

(If he ever held an appreciation for Joss Whedon’s snappy dialogue and teenage girls smarting off to vampires before she killed them, well, that’s his own damn business, isn’t it?)

***

“Abbie!”

“No, Katrina! Katrina is his _wife_.”

“Jemma. Seriously. The woman was in purgatory for two hundred years.”

“She’s still his wife.”

“And now Abbie’s in purgatory, and you know they’re just going to send Katrina back there.”

“That’s right, and besides, Katrina just lied to Ichabod. Like, a lot. About being a witch, and about being pregnant, and all that stuff. Abbie doesn’t lie to him. And trust me, Simmons, lying is bad for a relationship. I ought to know I’ve done it enough.”

“No, you’re just wrong. Katrina has true love with him, I’m sure of it.”

Coulson finds Clint standing outside the door, looking confused. A quick peek in shows that Trip and Simmons are standing around the holotable while Tony Stark is halfway underneath it, working on something, all of them arguing. “What are they fighting over?”

“ _Sleepy Hollow_ , I think.”

( _Sleepy Hollow_ comes up a few weeks later, and _someone_ (who has no business saying _anything_ ) makes an _Almost Human_ joke at Bucky. _Someone_ gets a verbal lashing from an American icon afterwards. Said _someone_ also finds himself suiting up later in a bubble gum pink robotic flying suit. _Someone_ comes stomping back after the battle to have a word with Darcy Lewis, but she simply stands there, arms crossed, completely unrepentant and says, “ _Don’t fuck with James._ ”)

***

Steve is invited to appear on _Sesame Street_. It’s important, he’s told, to help explain the presence of superheroes in the lives of children, Captain America is the most child-friendly, and despite the fact that it makes him feel like he’s back on the USO tour, he agrees.

It’s when he tells Tony that he’s really not sure what “Super Grover” is that Tony’s mouth falls open in complete and utter surprise and the call goes out for the Avengers to assemble in the movie room. (Bring your friends.)

Everyone does straggle in, and Tony can barely contain himself by the time Bruce wanders in. “This man,” Tony announces, pointing at Steve, “does not know _who_ _the Muppets are_.”

With the exception of Thor and Bucky, everyone in the room gives a gasp of surprise, then the unmistakable sound of people suddenly very excited to show someone something _awesome_ that they’ve never seen before. “Oh my God,” Steve hears Darcy say, tugging on Bucky’s arm. “You’ve never seen them either, they’re great!”

Jane’s actually put away her tablet and is dragging Thor to a seat. “Sit down and shut up and play it, Tony!” she yells from the back.

Natasha tugs Steve down into a seat. “Sit. You’ll enjoy it,” she promises.

“If there is one thing left in this world that might be good and whole and pure,” Clint says, “it’s the Muppets.”

(Steve doesn’t expect everyone in the room to know all the songs, but apparently, they do.)

 

 


End file.
